Social Media: Are Real Relationships Being Replaced By Online Relationships?

If one was to use social media, not only could they see what their ‘friends’ have been doing; they could also see what certain celebrities have been doing. What this comes down to is that their news feed is going to be filled with updates from people they now and from people they don’t know.

However, even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that one will also see it this way. Instead, they feel as close to their ‘friends’ as they do to the celebrities that they are following.

One Difference

One of the primary differences here is that one is more likely to hear from their ‘friends’ than they are from celebrities. For example, if one was to leave a comment on something a ‘friend’ has shared, there is a strong chance that they will get a reply.

Whereas if they were to leave a comment on something that a celebrity has shared, it is highly unlikely that they will get a response. Now, this is not to say that they are not exceptions, but this is going to be what generally takes place.

Confusion

It might then be hard for someone to understand how one can feel close to someone who doesn’t even talk to them. What this comes down to is that it is not always necessary for one to know someone in order to feel as though they know them.

The only thing they may need is to find out about someone’s life, and through doing this, they can end up feeling close to them. In the past, one could have this experience as a result of seeing a celebrity on TV, seeing them in a magazine and or meeting them in person.

Today’s World

Nowadays, the only thing they need to do is to use social media and this is because it is easy for a celebrity to share their life online. One can then read about what they have to say and they can see what they have been doing through looking at their pictures; they may even get the chance to see them in videos.

Through being exposed to what they share, they can feel as though they have a relationship with them. One can then come to believe that the relationships they have with these celebrities are as important as the relationships that they have with their ‘friends’.

Most Important

However, regardless of how close one might feel to a celebrity, it could be said that the relationships that they have with their ‘friends’ online are going to be more important. This comes down to the fact that they should know them and as they know them, they should hear back from them.

To receive a message or a comment from one of their ‘friends’ is likely to be far more fulfilling than if they were just to leave a comment on a celebrities status and not hear back, for instance. Also, if they are ‘friends’ with the person that they are talking to, they are likely to know who they are.

An Illusion

On one hand, the kind of relationship one has with a celebrity is not going to be real, and on the other hand, the idea that they have of them might not match up with who they are. So although they can feel as though they know them, this could be nothing more than an illusion.

Therefore, although this kind of relationship might make them feel good, for instance, it is not going to be enough replace the kind of interactions that they would have with their ‘friends’. It could be said that this is pretty obvious, but what is not as obvious is how the kind of connection one has with their ‘friends’ online is also not a replacement for real life relationships.

A Replacement

When this happens, one could find that their primary relationships are with people that they talk to online. These could be people they know form the real world and at the same time, they could be people who they have not even met before.

This is not to say that they won’t have people in the real world who they talk to, but what it can mean is that the kind of relationships they do have are not very fulfilling. They could find that they don’t open up to them and that they only talk about trivial matters.

False Intimacy

A lot of time and attention is then going to be going towards the people that they talk to online and while they may talk to these people without opening up, this might not be the case. They could find that they talk about what has been going on in their life and how they feel about certain things.

In this sense, they are opening up about their feelings and it could then be said that they are being intimate with their online ‘friends’. But regardless of what they say, they are still behind a screen and as a result of this; they are not going to be experiencing true intimacy.

Real Relationships

When one is with another person and they open up about what is going on in their life and about how they feel, they are going to have the chance to experience intimacy. They will be in the other person’s presence and through being in their presence; they are likely to feel better.

Along with this, they will be able to experience eye contact and human touch, and this is going to be far fulfilling that it would be if they were stuck behind a screen. What this comes down to is that human beings are interdependent; they need other people to survive and thrive.

Conclusion

It can feel a lot safer being behind a screen, but what it won’t allow one to do is to fulfil their need to connect to another people. So if one is in this position, it is going to be important for them to spend less time taking to their ‘friends’ on social media and more time talking to people in the real world.

This is not to say that one needs to do this by themselves, as it might be necessary for them to reach out for support. They might need to learn about relationships and it may be important for them to work with a therapist; it can all depend on their circumstances.

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Survival: Do Some People’s Childhoods Set Them Up Believe That The Purpose Of Life Is To Survive?

There are going to be some people who believe that life is matter of survival and then there are going to be others who believe there is more to life than simply surviving. And because they see life differently, there is a strong chance that they are going to experience life differently.

However, this can all depend on if their views match up with their reality. One may believe that there is more to life than surviving and at the same time, this doesn’t mean their life matches up with the outlook they have.

Conflict

When this happens, they are going to end up experiencing conflict and it will be harder for them to settle for how their life is. Whereas, if one didn’t expect more from life it is still going to create pain, but it will be what they have come to accept.

Simply existing is not going to be enough for them, and this is going to give them the motivation they need to change their current life circumstances. This doesn’t mean their life will change overnight, but there is the chance that it will change over time.

Examples

If one was to go into a populated area, they are going to see examples of people who are thriving and people who are simply surviving. One may come across people who live on the street and people who are driving in expensive cars into expensive houses, for instance.

Materialism

Now, this is not to say that this is all about how well off someone is in a material sense, but this is going to be a big part of it. This is also something that relates to how one feels about themselves and the world, and how healthy their relationships are, for instance.

When one can support themselves financially, it is going to make it a lot easier for them to thrive on this planet. If they are in a position where they rarely, if ever, have any money, it is likely to be a challenge for them to live well.

Dependent

However, if they only earn a certain amount, it could still mean that they are unable to thrive. They could be in a position where they are only earning enough to make ends meet and each day could be a struggle.

On the other hand, one might not be able to earn money and this is likely to mean that they are dependent on others for their survival. When this happens, one is not going to feel as though they have much control over their life.

A Struggle

They may say that life is not something you enjoy, it is something you endure. This may mean that they are drawn to things that allow them to experience life differently for a short while, such as: alcohol and drugs.

And even though one may rise up, it is not going to be long until they are back where they started, and because they have experienced life differently, it is going to be even harder for them to live in the same way. Yet, all the time they experience life in the same way; it can be a challenge for them to cut back on (or avoid) these options.

Thriving

When someone is not simply surviving, they are likely to be in a position where they are no longer thinking about if they have enough money or is it safe for them to be themselves. As a result of this, it will be possible for them to live a live a life of purpose.

The needs of their body are being fulfilled and they can then fulfil the needs of their heart and mind, and even their soul. This doesn’t mean their life is easy or that everything goes to plan, but it will mean that they will be able to fulfil their ‘higher’ needs, so to speak.

A Different Experience

The person who is thriving is having a radically different experience the person who is simply surviving. Based on what is taking place, it could be said that one person is luckier than the other, and that this is why they are having a different experience on this earth.

If one is thriving, it could be because they were brought into the world by a family who were also thriving, and if one is surviving, it could be because their caregivers were also surviving. And while this could be true, there are also going to be people who started off surviving and then end up thriving and vice versa.

Early Experiences

What happens during one’s early years is going to play a big part in how they experience life as an adult. There will also be how one responds to what happens, and this shows it is not something that is black and white.

If someone is thriving, it shows that their needs are being met, whereas if they are surviving, it shows that the majority of their needs are not being met. And the first person one looked towards to fulfil their needs is likely to have been their primary caregiver.

Attunement

How their caregivers responded to their developmental needs can play a big part in how other people respond to their needs in their adult life. This is because these experiences can define whether one feels comfortable or uncomfortable with their needs.

If their caregivers responded to their needs, one would have learned that it was safe for them to have needs, and they would expect to have their needs met. However, if their caregivers didn’t respond to their needs, one would have learned that it wasn’t safe for them to have needs, and this would then set them up to believe that other people won’t meet their needs.

Repeating The Past

Without the attunement they needed to develop, these early years would have been a time of pain and suffering. Therefore, if one is ‘surviving’ as an adult, it can be seen as a reflection of how they experienced life as a child.

Yet, even though what is taking place in their adult life is a reflection of their younger years, it doesn’t mean they realise this. It might just been seen as ‘how life is’, and this will mean that they have not been able to step back and observe their life.

Two Options

So as their needs were rarely, if ever met, it can set them up to feel powerless when it comes to getting their needs met, and at the same time, being in this position can be what feels safe. The pain they experienced through not getting their needs met all those years ago may have stayed within them and this is going add to the pain they are experiencing through not having their adult needs met.

One may find that they have moments where they either act as though they don’t need anything or they act needy, and how they behave can depend on how they feel and who they are with. Their early years conditioned them to believe that their needs are not acceptable and this would have set them up to feel ashamed of their needs.

Awareness

If this is something that one can relate to, it will be important for them to look at what is taking place in their head and in their body. They may need to change their beliefs and to mourn their unmet childhood needs.

This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.

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What to Do When Things Don’t Seem to Be Going Well

We all have those times when we are in the zone, when it’s all going well. We score the big client. We fill our programs. We get amazing feedback from an article we wrote that tells us we’re on the right path. The kids are good, the team won, the tea shop has your favorite tea in, and all the traffic lights are green.

Life is damn good.

And then there are the days where it doesn’t go quite so well. You get letters from the IRS regarding an issue that you’ve been corresponding with them for months, and when you call, their system is down. (And this is after waiting on hold for 30 minutes.) Your kid is sick. The thunderstorm caused the electricity to go out, and you lost all your changes. The marketing call you make falls flat. The hot “yes” for your program suddenly changes his mind, and no sale.

Life seems to suck.

Unfortunately, those sucky days are a part of life. Yes, in general, for most of us, life is pretty awesome, but those bad days are called “sucky” for a reason; these situations suck the energy and life out of us, so that all we feel is that situation… that that situation is all there is.

The reality is the situation in front of you (good or bad) is NOT all there is. There is so much more.

But how do you pull yourself out of the miasma of the situation suck? Here are 6 ways I use and recommend to my clients. And they work!

1. Remember your bigger purpose. What is it that you are here on this earth to do? What is your deep, soul purpose? More than likely, that soul purpose weaves throughout your business, too. At any time, tap into your big, deep, soul purpose.

2. What are you genius at? A la Gay Hendricks in The Big Leap. He talks about your Zone of Genius, Zone of Excellence, Zone of Competency, and Zone of Incompetency. (I highly recommend this book – one of my top 3 self-help books.) Forget about what you’re good at… what are you GENIUS at? Write it down. Refer to it. Remind yourself how you are amazing.

3. What are your goals? 3-month, 6-month, 12-month goals – for life and business. Write these down. Create goal cards. Design a life map. Play with a goal movie. What are your goals? What are you moving toward?

4. What are you grateful for? I can get a bit snarky here with myself on really bad days. Insert sarcastic tone of voice: “I’m grateful for air. I’m grateful I’m alive. I’m grateful I have air conditioning/heat… ” But, after a while, the sarcastic voice goes away, and you really do start to remember that you have a lot to be grateful for.

5. What grounds and centers you? Often when I’m having a bad day, I find I’m ungrounded and uncentered, either as the root cause of the bad day or the effect of said day. I have a list of what grounds and centers me. It’s things like a particular playlist on iTunes, incense, an essential oil I can diffuse, going outside, reading, etc. What is on your grounding and centering list?

6. Reach out to your girlfriend, spouse/partner, business coach, accountability partner, or mastermind group – or all of the above! Life is about connection, and I believe we are stronger when we’re authentic, and even vulnerable. Reach out. Tell someone about your sucky day. Ask for help. You’ll be surprised at how much people are willing to enfold you. (Make sure you have a solid support team!)

Pull in these six tools to turn around a sucky day and realize that life is really damn good.

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